Obligatory New Years Post

I’m a little embarrassed to see that my last post was two years ago, but as you all know, those have been eventful and difficult years for everyone. While I’m privileged not to have to worry about basic needs being met, I still found the past few years to be very challenging from a mental health point of view.

I’m an extrovert. Every activity I do involves getting together with other people. While some people enjoy going out for a bike ride on their own, I joined a club so I could ride with a group. The same for cross-country skiing and hiking, and when I’m not being sporty, I’m involved with the arts. I attend literary readings and book launches, writing workshops and conventions…all social gatherings.

So when the government of my province decided it was necessary to lock us down initially because of the pandemic, and then for most of the next winter and spring as case numbers ballooned, it was difficult for me to be alone so much. I’m afraid I lost touch with myself during those times, and only found myself again when we were able to go back to being social for a while.

A lot of travel has been postponed or cancelled during these years. I had planned to attend an artists retreat in Iceland which I’ve rescheduled twice. It’s on again for this year, but these days its all “play it by ear” thanks to new variants and travel advisories. I did manage to squeak in a trip to Vancouver Island with my daughter to enjoy one of my favourite spots. I also spent a couple of weeks in Florida cycling with friends last fall. I even managed to see my family in Montreal, which, after two years, was truly wonderful.

It was also a year for projects. I found some joy in learning about camping in my car. I outfitted my vehicle with a comfortable set up, and camped for three days in a provincial park by myself. Not having someone to share the chores with meant that I was busy a lot of the time, but I enjoyed the peace and my own company, oddly, because…extrovert, but sometimes we need peace and beautiful surroundings to inspire us and make us feel whole again. I was surprised by how many people thought I was extra brave for doing this. I wonder why women are discouraged from leaving the protection of their home. This is something I want to delve into more. I feel that society has used fear of violence against women as a means to keep them from travelling and following their dreams. It’s a kind of control that families exert especially over women, to inhibit them from being independent. Certainly one has to be aware of any dangers (both to women and to men) and go carefully, but that’s no reason not to go. There are dangers everywhere, even at home. I definitely want to go camping again next year, but I don’t know where I want to go yet.

I retired this year. I found that online work was ok for a while, but it wasn’t that sustainable a way to be productive, because…extrovert. I even went back to University (online) to take a few courses, but it’s been a struggle to focus on the course work and assignments, and I found online learning rather dreary. I might go back when in-person classes resume because I still love learning.

I spent most of the past year north of Toronto. This was an experiment. I’ve been considering a move up to the Collingwood area, so I rented a place for a year to see how I would like it and to enjoy the outdoor activities I could do while they gyms were closed. I found cross-country skiing alone very difficult, but cycling wasn’t quite as bad. There’s a lot of beautiful scenery in the region. There was a private beach in the development where my place was located where we spent a lot of time hanging out at. It’s a beautiful area that I will always enjoy visiting, but it was lonely, especially since there were few activities and clubs available to join and I wasn’t able to make many friends due to the situation.

One thing that has suffered during this time is my writing. I struggled to be productive and often felt unable to access my creativity. Feeling flat made it hard to work, especially to make something new, but I did manage to edit one novel and sent it back to my editor for a final proof reading. I may be able to publish it sometime this year if things go well but I make no promises. It’s not much for all the free time I had over the last two years, but it is something.

In closing, I am cautiously optimistic that 2022 will see some improvements over the last two years. I expect some travel will be possible, but it’s going to be more complicated and more tentative. There’s a whole world out there I want to see, so it’s frustrating that I can’t go out exploring just at the moment. As for writing, I’m finding that I have more ability to work lately, and the time to do so. I just have to keep finding ways to have people in my life so I feel connected and stimulated. I just can’t live without people. I’m not the kind of person who can thrive living alone most of the time, because…extrovert.

Wishing everyone who reads this a successful year in whatever way you define it. Be kind to yourself and do what you can. Reach out when you’re alone for too long, and make those connections. I may be an extrovert with a high need in this regard, but I’m sure we humans all need those connections.